Ok, so I say to myself that it is not Holly Wood that is directing my lack of self confidence and it is not the constant bombardment of stars that look like they just might be pro-Ana women in secret behind closed doors, that’s making me have to fight such an eternal battle with my body. Instead I say that I’m fighting because of medical problems which are creeping up more and more the closer you come to 30, 40 and 50. So I do have scoliosis, two herniated discs and sciatica, but I would be lying to myself and to everyone else if I said that I didn’t have alternative motives for wanting to lose the pounds.

Along with a back that hates the excess weight, comes along the utter disgust I feel when I look in the mirror or get the courage to venture to the mall to try on some new clothes. Also there’s the fact that my sex-drive seems to be void.

Now this is by far one of the hardest things to admit, I would say it’s even harder to admit than stating that one finds their body disgusting. Our media makes it seem as though everyone else is skiny, beautiful and absolutely loves to have sex, everyone that is except for the rest of us who aren’t on TV or walking the red carpet.

I was shifting through Sssh.com’s articles when I stumbled unto this one called ” Body Weight & Sex Drive”.  I decided to share it with all of you because it made me realize a couple of things for myself , which maybe on some unconscious level I already knew but was unwilling to admit to myself.  So without further ado, here it is:

“Many people that are heavier than they would like to be are able to maintain a ferocious sex drive.  Others are less fortunate and find that their drive tends to suffer after they have put on a few pounds.  I have had some of my dear friends express to me that this has happened to them.  I have also had some personal experience with this occurrence in the past.  These two things have led me to do some further research in this matter to share some facts and thoughts that may be found to be helpful.

-> The Duke University Medical Center reports that overweight adults that lose 10% of body weight report significant improvements on their sexual quality of life.

->A 2-year clinical trial of a prescription weight-loss medication involving 161 women and 26 men indicated:

• Feelings of being sexually unattractive

• Women were more likely to report problems than men

• Lack of sexual desire

• Reluctance to be seen undressed

• Difficulty with sexual performance

• Avoidance of sexual encounters

• Lack of enjoyment of sexual activity

-> During the 2-year study, the most notable improvements were seen after 3 months and with 11.8% weight loss.

After one year of the study:

Female Improvements:

• Feeling sexually unattractive ~ from 68% to 26%
• Individuals that had not wanted to be seen undressed ~ from 63% to 34%
• Difficulty with desire ~ from 39% to 15%
• Avoidance of sexual encounters ~ from 29% to 15%
• Not enjoying sexual activity ~ from 21% to 11%
• Difficult with performance ~ from 27% to 12%

Male Improvements:

• Individuals that had not wanted to be seen undressed ~ from 31% to 10%
• Difficulty with desire ~ from 23% to 10%
• Avoidance of sexual encounters ~ from 19% to 5%

The results of this study were presented at The Northern American Association for the Study of Obesity annual meeting held in Vancouver, B.C. on October 17, 2005.  “We saw very dramatic reductions in the number of people reporting difficulty following moderate weight loss. If people experience benefits and rewards from their weight loss and health efforts, it may help motivate them to continue a healthy lifestyle,” said the author.  Clinical experts seem to recommend losing weight in order to get back in the saddle.  Is weight gain and weight loss the “end all” conclusion?  I think not.

Don’t let Hollywood and the media fool you:

Physical beauty or what the media dictates to be physical beauty is not everything in the wonderful world of sex. Young girls make themselves sick to look like the women they see on television, in magazines, and on the movie screen, while older women are spending thousand dollars in surgery to do the same. How did we get here? There are so many men out there that actually appreciate the way a “real woman” looks. Beauty and art does not appear in one way! Olympia looked nothing like Paris Hilton. One of the most utopian aspects of life is variety, we must see so much more than we already do, not only in others but in ourselves. See yourself as beautiful and you are beautiful (and sexy). Feel sexy + act sexy = is sexy!!!!! You do not have to lose weight to feel better about yourself. Make the decision on your own just to feel better about yourself and celebrate who you are and your sex life will                                                                             flourish.

There is so much to sex….

Initial attraction, though fun, is such a small piece of the sexual puzzle. Once you have snatched someone (pardon the pun), enjoy that someone. They are with you, therefore they are interested. We all need sex, so give in to that need. See yourself as a wondrous sexual giver and give, even if you do not think you feel like it. Like getting into a swimming pool, though you may be hesitant at first, it often feels wonderful once you decide to give in. Let go of your self-conscious thoughts, they don’t do anyone any good and Just Do it as Nike says.

There are so many ways to be and feel sexual. So many senses are being used. Explore with more than just the visual. Take pleasure in using different smells, sounds, and sensations. Fragrance yourself in a long bath with sensual oils, make your body extra smooth, try some music or make your own sounds. If you want to continue to emphasize on the visual, continue to be beautiful even in the scale isn’t saying what you want it to. Everyone looks hot by candlelight, everyone can garnish themselves in a fetching way, and everyone has assets to use. Appreciate and utilize these amazing things and forget about what you thought were short comings. There not. If the person cannot see and appreciate the goddess in you, they are deaf, dumb, and blind.

Big and Beautiful:

Finally, people are recognizing that big IS beautiful. Models and actors that weigh more than ninety pounds are showing up more and more. Here are some cool links if you are, or looking for big and beautiful.

The Big & Beautiful People Network

Big Cupid

Whether you are looking to make some changes in your body, to love your body the way it is, or both, you do not have to get stuck in a sexual rut. Find ways to feel good about who you are, who you are with, and how it is to have sex. Try some new things to help with the desire and find beauty and sexuality in your partner. We are able to control much more than we think with our minds. We have practiced so long how to hate or dislike ourselves. Let’s now change that practice into loving ourselves and being the sexually creatures we strive to be!”

So As you can see Sssh.com offers some extremely valuable advice as well as giving us the connection between not just body weight and our sexual drive but more so our Body Image and our sexual desires. If it helps at all, we all know that sexual activities burn a hell of a lot of calories, so why not incorporate sex with our partner as part of our exercise routine? What I mean to say is that maybe having sex is the answer to not only make us feel sexier, (because who doesn’t feel sexy when their partner is showing them just how much they want them?) but also to helping us shed off those extras pounds! If you feel good about yourself much more changes than just your  confidence level. You will eat less, move more and hold your head up high. All of which in the long run encourage weight loss since good posture works more muscles and you won’t binge on food, like I do, when you’re feeling all down on yourself!

]]> http://www.eroticscribes.com/body-weight-and-your-sex-drive/feed/ 0 http://www.eroticscribes.com/man-vs-woman-fantasies/ http://www.eroticscribes.com/man-vs-woman-fantasies/#comments Wed, 11 Nov 2009 21:33:33 +0000 jujugrrl http://www.eroticscribes.com/?p=183 I found a really great article on Sssh.com talking about the differences that exist between what men and women fantasize about. I mean when you think about it, we already know that different things will turn males and females on so you have to wonder how different out everyday fantasies are.  It was so good that I decided to post it here for you all to see. And to prove to you, that Sssh is about so much more than just porn for women and couples!

It may not surprise you to know that men’s and women’s sexual fantasies differ greatly (and I am not just talking about the most obvious difference of gender). Since fantasy is not affected by a partner’s opinion or any fear of social reprisal, people are free to imagine behaviors they would never act out in real life. In general, men’s fantasies tend to be less plausible and often more taboo than women’s fantasies. Of course it goes without saying that many women’s fantasies are romantic in nature, but it is also true that women enjoy imagining themselves behaving in aggressively sexual ways.

Many studies have been done analyzing the sexual fantasies of men and women, most commonly through anonymous interviews or anonymous written narratives. Anonymity is a key factor in allowing people to feel comfortable exploring what might seem like extreme or bizarre behavior under ordinary circumstances. But in having no fear of judgment, people can let their minds wander and their fantasies can become very explicit and detailed.

One study mentioned at www.healthyplace.com suggests that a number of themes are common in sexual fantasies and that some are gender-specific.

By far the most common fantasy enjoyed by men was that of group sex or having sex with two or more women at the same time. (This will come as no surprise to those of who have been with men who keep hinting about “three-ways” with your friends.) Twice as many men as women who were surveyed reported having this fantasy.

The next most common fantasy involves voyeuristic or fetishistic elements. In other words, watching or being watched; or some unusual costume, prop or behavior that takes the fantasy out of the realm of “normal” sex (whatever that is). Among men and women, this type of fantasy was more than twice as common among men than women. This is not surprising given that most erotic or pornographic literature portrays women in costume: lacy lingerie, garter belts and black fishnet stockings, leather, or clothing that suggests a particular occupation or role (like a nurse, schoolgirl, vampire, or police woman). As an interesting aside, visual and fetish elements are also common in male homosexual porn and erotica: obviously this type of literature plays upon the common fantasies of its audience.

Another characteristic more common to male sexual fantasies is the specific description of a woman’s appearance: age, hair color, breasts, and specifics about her body and face. For some reason women’s fantasies about men do not tend to be as descriptive (maybe because we also prefer the romance of doing it in the dark?); but this also speaks to the more visual content of male fantasies. Female sexual fantasies are more narrative: they often contain elaborate descriptions of a specific setting or place, like the beach or a mountain cabin, and often contain a “plot”, whereas men can conjure up a specific face and body and not need too much more to get off on.

Perhaps not surprisingly, women’s fantasies are more likely to involve their current partner or men they have been intimate with, whereas men tend to fantasize about strangers or acquaintances most often. This is not to say that women do not fantasize about having sex with strangers, just that it is far less common than it is with men. These sorts of fantasies address our desire to be seductive and attractive to others, and also allow us to “live dangerously” by throwing ourselves into an unfamiliar intimate situation with someone we know little to nothing about. For men, fantasizing about an acquaintance allows them to explore a latent attraction without the repercussions such a liaison might bring about in “real life.” For women, this sort of fantasy allows us to engage in what would normally be seen as very risky or harmful behavior.

Which brings us to another area often explored in fantasy: the use of force, or rape fantasies. This is actually more common among women than men: according to the results of the study mentioned, women fantasize more about being forced by men to have sex, than men fantasize about forcing a woman. Some men fantasize about being “raped” by a woman or women, or about being completely sexually submissive. (Sado-masochistic fantasies were next on the list for frequency among men and women–again, men had them more often than women). Discussing or admitting such fantasies can be controversial. In my work as a dispatcher for a phone sex company some years ago, the employees talked about the fact that some men ask before they begin the phone call if there is a girl available who would be willing to do a rape fantasy. Apparently they asked first because they had run into difficulty just letting this arise spontaneously during the call.

One unexpected finding is that there is a big difference in how men and women translate fantasy into reality. For men, the possibility of acting upon any of their fantasies was seen as very remote. But for women, there was very little difference between the idea of imagining a behavior and performing it. Also, men who fantasized about having sex with lots of different women were usually single and unattached, or not having very regular sex. In other words, the more active fantasy life indicated a less active sex life. But for women, their fantasies tended to be more frequent and detailed if they were already in a satisfying sexual relationship.

In general, men’s sexual fantasies are more “active” than women’s, whose fantasies tend to be “passive.” In other words, in their fantasies, men like to see themselves doing things, while women like to have things done to them. But it is also interesting that women tend to create a more complete “picture” in their fantasies, creating detailed settings and scenarios; whereas for men, they tend to only need a detailed picture of the person or persons. This may be related to why men tend to prefer visual forms of erotica and porn, and women prefer verbal/written erotica and porn.

If you have ever wondered what your partner fantasizes about, or how your sexual fantasies differ from those of other women, maybe some of these findings have given you something to think, or fantasize, about…

So there you have it! Once again I have to say just how much I love the fact that this site is obviously made by females who understand that the ideal porn site for women must contain more than just porn in it. From my own experiences I would have to agree with the article but feel free to leave me comments and tell me if you agree or disagree!

Women crave this, but few men give it to them, and for decades women have wondered “why?” I suggest that you take advantage of this material and use it for your very own evil. Use it to take advantage of the situation, use it to seduce her, and use it to get her craving for more.

Sensuality works on many levels, but most of all, it works the five basic senses: sight, hearing, touch, smell, and taste. If you learn to incorporate all of these into any atmosphere, it will be easier to bring her in the state for carnal and sensual pleasures.

Once you learn how to use the five senses, use them in situations that women love. Here is a list of some of the top sensual experiences that turn on women:

Candle Light
Nothing works better than seducing your lover with candle light and when the candles are low, your sense of sight is enhanced. By dimming the lights, setting a romantic atmosphere, and having some soft music playing in the background, the evening is set for an evening of sensual pleasure.

Massage
Women love a man who can use their hands. An erotic massage is a start to an evening of wonderful surprises. Not only does a massage relax a female, but it is an intimate act that a couple can do with each other before sex. A massage is a good way to please and seduce a woman. Use essential oils and soft music to set the mood and then start it off with a neck and shoulder rub. Setting this scene can lead to a night of exotic sex.

Outdoor Picnic
A picnic is nothing more than lunch outside, but if you change the situation and the two of you are alone and sitting on the grass, it can be seen as more romantic and sensual. Introduce some sensual foods and you are set. Perhaps it is the food or maybe the fact that you prepared the food that seduces her, but an outdoor adventure is something that you must do with a female.

Sunset and Sunrise
Watching the sun rise in the morning or the sun set in the evening is a mystical event that many women love to experience. The two of you talking and sitting down as the sky changes colors is very romantic and sensual in the eyes of a female.

Fireplace
The crackling of the fire and the two of you cuddling conjures images of sex and seduction. Add a fur rug into the equation and you are set. If you don’t have a fireplace try going camping and building a campfire where the two of you can spend some alone-time together.

Sensual Travel
When you travel, you are free from the worries from home, the stress of working, and the other distractions that may come up. When traveling, the change of scenery can be very sensual, but the fact that you have had sex in a different location and you need to mark your territory makes it erotic!

Sensual Foods
Many people use sensual foods to build passion and desire. Foods such as chocolate, whipped cream, and strawberries can get your partner in the mood. Try other foods that are delectable and rich in flavor to satisfy your partner. Fruits, liquors, and honey are some examples.

Rivers, Lakes, and Oceans
The water and the outdoors bring out the animal in all of us. Water puts images in a females head about walking the beachfront with their loving partner. Or perhaps it gives them a good excuse to get semi-naked with their special guy.

Moonlit Walk
A walk in the evening allows you to look at the moon and the stars. You can hold each other close and talk together. Mix in a moonlit walk with sitting by a river or lake and you are set for an intimate interlude.

Being Secluded
All the above situations concentrate on the couple being alone. Women love spending “Alone-Time” with their partner. Being secluded as a couple allows for focus on time together, without the distraction of family and friends. It usually starts with deep romantic conversation, then kissing, but moves on to bigger and better things.

Since I am currently in a relationship, I asked my friend, Esmerelda, to try it out. She is currently single and thought it might be fun. After a quick web search, we found two sites for our city. So read on, maybe this is the answer for you!

Esmerelda called the speed dating co-ordinator and booked the 30-45 age group evening. She felt that was too large an age range and asked which ages did they have registered for that night, thinking a 30-year-old man was a little too young for her tastes.

Anyhow, during the conversation the coordinator mentioned something about wearing what you would normally wear on a date—whatever the hell that is! Esmerelda had not been on a date in awhile, so she decided to wear a ‘full metal jacket’ or power suit; a little formal but as date protection goes, excellent!

As she entered the restaurant, a funky art deco place, she noticed this woman wearing some impossible combination of black lacy lingerie vest, with her black bra showing through and a huge diamond ring on her finger—proof that she is the facilitator and also knows how to get a date. She gave Esmerelda some little bits of cardboard clipped together with a ‘bingo’ card of experiences, places, sports, etc. This is the party game icebreaker, where speed daters are supposed to mingle with the other people and ask them which things they have done until someone gets a bingo. She never heard anyone yell out bingo, but had several unlikely conversations with both men and women about whether they had para-sailed, swam with dolphins, who hasn’t skinny dipped, or the more mundane, who drove a red car. After a few minutes of this, Esmerelda realized she was in for a long night and started drinking.

The facilitator then asked everyone to sit at the table that corresponded to the number they were given on entering. Esmerelda sat down at table number 8 (of 10) with its intimate little tea light casting a glow over someone she would have to spend 6 minutes getting to know, then taking one look at him and basically seeing an overgrown frat boy whose idea of a good time was probably an “Animal House” type party. Realizing the speed daters would need some conversational assistance, handy lists of questions are provided by the facilitators. Esmerelda’s first one happened to be “What is your favourite article of clothing?” She felt the questions were too obtuse, so discarded them in hopes of meeting someone interesting. One of the difficulties is that you are not allowed to ask anyone where they work or what they do, because of concerns that it might identify them and then lead to some scary stalking incident or something worse. So when you can’t really talk to someone about what they spend half their day doing, that basically leaves; why are you here? Have you done this before? Have you always lived in this city? What activities/sports do you like to do outside of work? And have you travelled anywhere?

Every 6 minutes the facilitator walked around shaking reindeer bells, very seasonal of her and a reminder to all of the women to get up and move to the next highest number table. Somehow, during the brief move from one table to the other, you are supposed to circle one of the options beside the man’s name you just sat with; yes, no or the dreaded: friendship. Esmerelda, not wanting to hurt too many feelings, circled friendship for everyone except the three definite no’s. If your partner circles the same response beside your name, then the facilitator will either call or email you the next day with your matches, and then exchange your contact info. If, as in Esmerelda’s case, the only one who responds to your ‘overtures’ of friendship is a member of the same sex, then the facilitator can arrange for the two of you to get together as friends. Esmerelda called and left Bonnie a message saying that while she did not want to date her, maybe they could go out sometime.

Anyhow, the whole event took Esmerelda about 2 hours, and she found it somewhat awkward trying to determine whether she would want to date someone based on 6 uncomfortable minutes together. In reality, most of them were not someone she was even interested enough in to have a 6-minute conversation with. Esmerelda does recommend that your attitude walking in is a major determining factor of your potential success. She forced herself to get out there, but was not really emotionally ready to be seriously looking for a new boyfriend. However, she saw several people that seemed to hit it off really well, and most of the speed daters stayed after the session ended to have a few drinks.

And Bonnie, Esmerelda’s potential friend, said she connected with the first guy she did 6 minutes with. But, how awkward if she thought they really connected and he checked off ‘no’ to dating her; a system similar to, “The Fifth Wheel” or “Survivor.” Oh well, risk or rejection is inherent in all dating. But so is the hope of meeting that perfect someone.