Breaking Fake News! (Kinda, Sorta. Or Maybe Not So Much)

In her new piece, Calico takes up the subject of the CNN/Thanksgiving porn mishap which.... appears to have not actually happened, making it a perfect news story for 2016.
porn cnn fake news

by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Porn For Women

As a woman with all kinds of Google news alerts set up to prevent me from missing any porn-related stories which might come across the great global news wire, I catch just about every headline with the word “porn” in it (even when the actual subject of the article is food, or televised poverty, or real estate).

There was one headline last week, however, which I couldn’t have missed even if I had flushed my laptop down the toilet and moved to rural Montana: CNN’s Boston affiliate had accidentally run a half-hour of porn on Thanksgiving night.

Now that’s some major porn news, right there – or a major mixing of porn and news, at least.

A Story Too Good To Confirm?

fake porn news cnnAfter an initial viral explosion in which word of the CNN/Thanksgiving porn flub spread fast and wide, somebody evidently asked a question which probably should have occurred to the first writer to pound out a quick piece about the mishap: Given the size of the Boston market and the relative popularity of CNN as a news source, shouldn’t more than one viewer have noticed they were watching porn and not Anthony Bourdain?

Yeah, probably. But hey – some stories are just too good to check into. Like the story an uncle of mine told me about W.C. Fields’ tombstone, for example.

According to my uncle, after a career in which he was repeatedly heard to say things like “Philadelphia? I’d rather be dead than be in Philadelphia,” W.C. Fields had emblazoned on the headstone of his grave the following words: “On second thought, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”

What a great line, right? What an awesome set up to deliver a line which would serve to entertain people for decades, maybe even centuries to come.

The only problem with this awesome W.C. Fields tombstone story, of course, is that it’s a load of pure, unmitigated bullshit. As it turns out, the man’s actual tombstone is duller than Des Moines, let alone Philadelphia; it sports Fields’ name and the years of his birth and death.

On balance, I think I’d be a happier person if I had never found out the story about Fields’ tombstone isn’t true. It doesn’t keep me awake at night or anything, but just like finding out there’s no Santa, learning that W.C. Fields has a very boring, conventional tombstone took just a little magic out of my world.

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It’s 2016, So Of Course The CNN/Porn Thing Never Actually Happened

We’re nearing the end of the year, when a lot of people in the media will sit around trying to decide what topics or issues “defined the year.” For me, I think 2016 should be remembered as the year of fake news – as well as news we wish was fake, but sadly turns out to be accurate.

Alas, as it turns out, there’s just about no chance that on Thanksgiving night CNN actually ran porn footage instead of Anthony Bourdain getting drunk while talking about food. Yes, in a year with so much consternation being expressed about fake news and its possible impact on the American presidential election, we find ourselves treated to a fake news story about a real news outlet.

I’d say “you can’t make this stuff up” – except apparently you can make this stuff up and people will believe it, even if you present no proof whatsoever for the claim.

Come to think of it, all this fake news and corresponding reader/voter credulity may help explain how we wound up with a president-elect who wakes up early in the morning to tweet conspiracy theories concerning an election he won, despite previously claiming it all had been rigged against him….

Why Can’t These Be Fake News Items, Too?

For year filled with fake news (now including, incredibly, fake news about fake news), there has been a depressing amount of entirely too-real news, as well.

In a year where porn didn’t take over CNN on Thanksgiving night and the Pope didn’t endorse Donald Trump for president and an FBI agent “suspected in Hillary Email leaks” wasn’t found dead in an apparent murder/suicide, does it really have to be true that David Bowie, Leonard Cohen, Leon Russell and Prince have died?

Is there really no chance a Chippendale’s stripper is going to pop out of a cake in my kitchen to inform me the recent presidential election was nothing more than an elaborate hoax perpetrated by Ashton Kutcher?

Can a girl get at least one retraction that makes her smile? Nope; not in 2016, apparently.

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Calico Rudasil
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Calico Rudasil

Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original porn site for women by women. With over 16 years’ experience of writing about and for the adult entertainment industry under her belt, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
Calico’s work has appeared under various pen names in adult industry trade journals and on several mainstream op-ed portals, including the Huffington Post.
Calico Rudasil
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